A Family Affair
So HV's friend's bachelorette party was this Saturday, and yours truly was invited. HV made me promise to blog about it, too. And since I'm currently flying high on Cloud 9 and not likely to be sleeping anytime soon tonight (mmm... good night for the Joan... Joanie's been having a pretty good week... this mighta been a very important night for The Joan's future tho, and The Joan rocked! But that's for another time, I'm afraid. I told you up front when I started this blog that there would be some things I couldn't discuss openly, sorry. But I'm sure this particular Joan The Obscure topic will be revisited. Very, very soon.), I might as well get started!
PROLOGUE:
The problem is, where do I start?? Begin at the beginning, I suppose. The beginning (for me) was at a fantastic Mexican restaurant in the very trendy West Loop area (whose name I sadly, do not remember - De Something. De Cero?). HV's friend the bride-to-be (let's call her the soon-to-be Mrs. Tall, or STBMT for short) and 20 of her closest female friends -- including her mom and aunt, who were freshly back that afternoon from six weeks in India. (This fact is important for later, I promise). Dinner was fantastic, if a bit pricey (yo Dinner Organizer, the one HV hates, it's not nice to spring a $50-per-person tab on your guests without warning..). Made extra yummy by the frozen peach-and-chamomile colada (er, 2 of them, sipped through the fabulous glow-in-the-dark penis straws supplied by HV, to the extreme horror of Organizer, and anyway the drinks were STRONG and delicious and I was buzzing like a bumblebee most of the night. Yes ladies and gentlemen, Joan is a serious, serious lightweight). The double chocolate brownie with chocolate chip ice cream was nothing to sneeze at, either. Nor were the duck nachos, the tortilla chips, the salsas, the guacamole, the ahi tuna tacos... yeah, it all rocked, pretty much. And I don't even like salsa.
PART I: THE CAB RIDE
So from there we were to go to the "main event", Chicago's All-Male Revue at the Door 21 nightclub in River North. We would travel by cab, of course. HV and I managed to be the only ones in our cab (rock on!), and when the cabbie goaded us into telling him what we were up to, we were going to stop with "bachelorette party". To which he replied that surely we'd need strippers for that! Oh yes, we said, as a matter of fact that's where we're headed... "You don't need them," he said, "I can be your stripper!" (I'm not making this up. I couldn't make this stuff up). This was all cute and WILDLY funny to us, but cabbie was serious! He -- while driving along Wacker at top speed -- pumped up the radio and started dropping clothes like it was a summer day in Hell. Shirt, gone. Undershirt, gone. (And he's kinda nicely built, too!) He freakin' PULLS OVER to unbuckle his pants, at which point we're .. well, we're rolling on the floor of the cab laughing our asses off. Yes. It was HILARIOUS. Apparently the pants got dropped too, but I was sitting behind him and thankfully couldn't see, and HV didn't exactly want to know either I don't think...
So, cabbie gets us most of the way there when HV looks over and notices a car with 2 young ladies in it looking at our cabbie and giggling. Cabbie flexes. We giggle. Cabbie starts slamming the brakes in time to the beat, making the cab bounce. We giggle. Young ladies next door smile and cheer and wave and take off. We clap and cheer our cabbie on. We get deposited (safely, somehow) to our destination. Cabbie gets re-dressed. HV tips well. Best freakin' cab ride I've ever had. And I'm so glad I was drunk, or I would've been some unfunny mix of ill, scared s--tless, and deeply appalled and mortified. But OH MY GOD was it funny.
PART II: THE CLUB
I don't have as much to say about the club and the strippers. It was fine, I suppose, although there was perhaps just a little more audience participation than I (and some others in the crowd) really wanted. I had carefully selected my seat as one of the hardest for a stripper to reach me in (2nd row) and sitting next to STBMT's mom and aunt. (Yep, they were there too.) I figured, first of all I'm not in the front row, and second, I'm sitting next to some ladies who really don't look like they were there to get all crazy that night. And for the most part, those sweet ladies got left alone. But when Giovanni, the Brad Pitt Stripper Look-Alike, happened to notice STBMT's aunt sleeping, DURING THE SHOW, well, he had fun with it. (In a nice way. He just came and sat down next to her and pretended he was sleeping too. It was funny. Poor auntie was exhausted from the flight back from India!)
The strippers were Magnus, Giovanni, Gavin (Playgirl's Man of the Year for 2003, apparently), and our emcee (whose stripper name I didn't catch). I don't really have that much to say about the whole thing, but here are some choice moments:
EPILOGUE:
Okay Cloud 9 is rapidly turning into SleepyTime. I'll be introducing a new person on here soon, but I need to think of a nickname and what exactly I want to say, first. But it's a good thing. Stay tuned!
- The Joanie
PROLOGUE:
The problem is, where do I start?? Begin at the beginning, I suppose. The beginning (for me) was at a fantastic Mexican restaurant in the very trendy West Loop area (whose name I sadly, do not remember - De Something. De Cero?). HV's friend the bride-to-be (let's call her the soon-to-be Mrs. Tall, or STBMT for short) and 20 of her closest female friends -- including her mom and aunt, who were freshly back that afternoon from six weeks in India. (This fact is important for later, I promise). Dinner was fantastic, if a bit pricey (yo Dinner Organizer, the one HV hates, it's not nice to spring a $50-per-person tab on your guests without warning..). Made extra yummy by the frozen peach-and-chamomile colada (er, 2 of them, sipped through the fabulous glow-in-the-dark penis straws supplied by HV, to the extreme horror of Organizer, and anyway the drinks were STRONG and delicious and I was buzzing like a bumblebee most of the night. Yes ladies and gentlemen, Joan is a serious, serious lightweight). The double chocolate brownie with chocolate chip ice cream was nothing to sneeze at, either. Nor were the duck nachos, the tortilla chips, the salsas, the guacamole, the ahi tuna tacos... yeah, it all rocked, pretty much. And I don't even like salsa.
PART I: THE CAB RIDE
So from there we were to go to the "main event", Chicago's All-Male Revue at the Door 21 nightclub in River North. We would travel by cab, of course. HV and I managed to be the only ones in our cab (rock on!), and when the cabbie goaded us into telling him what we were up to, we were going to stop with "bachelorette party". To which he replied that surely we'd need strippers for that! Oh yes, we said, as a matter of fact that's where we're headed... "You don't need them," he said, "I can be your stripper!" (I'm not making this up. I couldn't make this stuff up). This was all cute and WILDLY funny to us, but cabbie was serious! He -- while driving along Wacker at top speed -- pumped up the radio and started dropping clothes like it was a summer day in Hell. Shirt, gone. Undershirt, gone. (And he's kinda nicely built, too!) He freakin' PULLS OVER to unbuckle his pants, at which point we're .. well, we're rolling on the floor of the cab laughing our asses off. Yes. It was HILARIOUS. Apparently the pants got dropped too, but I was sitting behind him and thankfully couldn't see, and HV didn't exactly want to know either I don't think...
So, cabbie gets us most of the way there when HV looks over and notices a car with 2 young ladies in it looking at our cabbie and giggling. Cabbie flexes. We giggle. Cabbie starts slamming the brakes in time to the beat, making the cab bounce. We giggle. Young ladies next door smile and cheer and wave and take off. We clap and cheer our cabbie on. We get deposited (safely, somehow) to our destination. Cabbie gets re-dressed. HV tips well. Best freakin' cab ride I've ever had. And I'm so glad I was drunk, or I would've been some unfunny mix of ill, scared s--tless, and deeply appalled and mortified. But OH MY GOD was it funny.
PART II: THE CLUB
I don't have as much to say about the club and the strippers. It was fine, I suppose, although there was perhaps just a little more audience participation than I (and some others in the crowd) really wanted. I had carefully selected my seat as one of the hardest for a stripper to reach me in (2nd row) and sitting next to STBMT's mom and aunt. (Yep, they were there too.) I figured, first of all I'm not in the front row, and second, I'm sitting next to some ladies who really don't look like they were there to get all crazy that night. And for the most part, those sweet ladies got left alone. But when Giovanni, the Brad Pitt Stripper Look-Alike, happened to notice STBMT's aunt sleeping, DURING THE SHOW, well, he had fun with it. (In a nice way. He just came and sat down next to her and pretended he was sleeping too. It was funny. Poor auntie was exhausted from the flight back from India!)
The strippers were Magnus, Giovanni, Gavin (Playgirl's Man of the Year for 2003, apparently), and our emcee (whose stripper name I didn't catch). I don't really have that much to say about the whole thing, but here are some choice moments:
- STBMT was a great sport. She looked terrified of what was sure to happen to her, for being a bride-to-be at a strip show, and rightly so. But when the time came to be, um, well, entertained, she just let it all go and had a great time. The strippers loved her. (Er, not quite literally. Bad choice of words.) And she was so funny to watch. I think she had a good time. I hope so.
- Keeping that in mind, at one point as she's being, um, rather explicitly entertained, I lean over to her mom and comment that she's probably seeing quite a different view of her daughter than she'd ever planned on seeing. Mama laughed. (Hell I never thought I'd see STBMT that way myself, that's for sure...) For sure, there was one little episode after which STBMT came back and said to the rest of us, "God, I can't even look my mother in the eye after that!" Honey, I don't blame you. You and your mother must have quite a relationship if she can see you out there .. having all that done to you..
- As I mentioned, I was not entirely free from attention that evening. Despite my best attempts to remain so. Giovanni got to me, despite my slightly-inaccessible location. And while I think I'll refrain from giving most of the particulars of it, I will quote one of the other attendees, who after being ministered to said, "That's more action than I've gotten in months!". Yeah. Nuff said there, sister.
- Giovanni was very sweet and told me he liked me. Because I'm sure he doesn't tell every girl there that. And he was very impressed with my rack, I might add. And he should know, since he took it upon himself to have first-hand (and, uh, second hand) knowledge of it. Oy. This is not how they show strip clubs on TV...
- Speaking of STBMT's mom, Giovanni came over to check her out, too. What a nice guy, he was making sure ALL the ladies got some lovin', I guess... Anyway, when STBMT saw that, she came running over with a panicked "Oh no, nononononononono no no no" to him to try to get him to leave her mother alone. I think he did. But poor STBMT. I don't think I could watch a stripper entertain my mother, either.
- HV and I are going to have a hard time listening to The Phantom of the Opera ever again. Gavin decided to use it as his intro, complete with mask and tuxedo-with-breakaway-trousers. Mmm hmm. Way to ruin a childhood favorite, Gavin. And just in time for the movie! Thanks.
- Give HV a round of applause for being stripped to in each of 3 different parts of the night. The cabbie, the strippers, and later. But that's her story to tell. I guess she's got the power - when she walks around, men just want to get nekkid! Woo!
EPILOGUE:
Okay Cloud 9 is rapidly turning into SleepyTime. I'll be introducing a new person on here soon, but I need to think of a nickname and what exactly I want to say, first. But it's a good thing. Stay tuned!
- The Joanie
posted by Call Me Joan @ 1:00 AM
2 Comments:
At 5:15 PM,
carrie said…
A couple of comments:
1. Never doubt the power of a hot pink sweater!
2. Joan enjoyed the coladas waaaay too much if she thought Giovanni was a Brad Pitt look-alike. 'Cause NOT.
At 11:37 PM,
Call Me Joan said…
Okay, it was the emcee who said Giovanni was a Brad Pitt look-alike. Not having seen Brad Pitt naked myself, I can only assume that Mr. Pitt must also have matching silver nipple studs, interestingly placed tattoos, and a penchant for fringe on his G-string. But you have to admit, the hair was definitely straight out of Legends of the Fall...
-J
Post a Comment
<< Home